Jerry's Concerns

Last night, I again had the intensely terrifying pleasure of working with the very in famous and very classy person we'll call Jerry. Jerry is a very old seasoned, well-experienced nurse who is ridiculously picky with very specific tastes and a tendency to harass everybody err on the side of perfection in his leadership style.

As soon as he walked back from triage nearing the end of a very busy day, he unloaded all of his commentary and advice that he'd been bottling in his bottling factory. I immediately started scribbling to record his concerns for the benefit of fellow staff members:

Jerry's Concerns

August 23rd, 2017

6-7:00pm

1. The candy is junk. Who put all this junk candy in [the community candy drawer]? Why does nobody ever fill this candy drawer except for Jerry? 

2. There are misspelled words in the rolladex (sp?). Specifically, "psychiatrist" is spelled "physiotrist." He says it was probably LaQuita. 

3. These pencils [here in the department] are all wrong. 

4. The staff schedule has catastrophic errors. 

5. Dr. Okasinski is slob and doesn't wear any socks and that's gross. 

6. Everyone else is hateful. 

7. This drawer is dangerous. 

8. Jerry's name is too far down the schedule; it should be listed alphabetically by last name. 

9. LaQuita is too bossy when she's in charge (LaQuita is not even here today). 

10. Jerry is scheduled to be charge nurse three times this month. 

11. Nobody thinks he does anything around here. 

12. 15-minute detailed schedule problems verbalization, too many issues to count. 

13. Items 1-6 actually occurred between 6:00-6:03pm. 

14. Jerry insists that the previous statement is incorrect; it was between 6:00-6:05pm. 

The list is now posted at the nurse's station. Jerry appreciated it enormously.

Look Down

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1t2MvIak8Sc

We need to look down. 

Look down to survive the waves. 

Look down to see those who may be on the ground. 

Look down to see others' dreams shattered, see the potential of your life flit next to you like a shadow until the sun sets. 

Look down at a city beneath your feet, as you pray for the proverbial Valjean to be imprisoned while you flaunt your freedom with self-righteousness. 

Look down with the change of the tide, recognizing that the irony of duty when viewed as the highest morale is a force as destructive as death itself. 

Look down the barrel of anger caused by hunger; look down at the love of your life as she deals with your distractions. 

Look down, and realize you too will always be a slave to something. 

Smokey

Oregon has basically turned into a large fire pit. Over 7,000 acres of charred landscape have been left smoking as the wildfires rage around Crater Lake, insensitively devastating our plans to enjoy the pristine park views.


Instead, we went to Tokatee Lake, where the boys practiced their paddling skills ("We know how to do it! We learned it from the Wii! We're Junior Paddlers!") while I was rudely marooned on sand bar after sand bar formed by the highest reaches of the North Umpqua river.


Rachel and Drue camped with us, which was a blast. Emerson attempted to boil his butt by spilling hot water. Braeden corralled all the kids and practiced his bossing skills. Eliana Kate found a new friend in Alex, and they spent most of the time running around yelling the same phrase over and over and over.


Stephanie basically fell madly in love with me again due to my incredible camping skills. I fell a little in love with myself for the same reasons.


The campground was terrific, although there seemed to be an understanding amongst several of our seedier neighbors that there was a no-pants, no-problem policy. Stephanie wouldn't let me walk around the campground with no pants though, so WHAT EVEN WAS THE POINT.