SPRING BREAK: I GUESS
THIS IS RIDDLE COUNTRY
I took Braeden on a much overdue camping trip with just the
two of us. We built a very redneck covering for the end of our trailer, dubbing
our camp “Wilty Grey” for the weekend.
Like all extremely cool fathers, I force him to make riddles
with me throughout the trip. Don’t let him fool you though, he actually loved
that part.
We saw a bunch of fresh bear and cougar tracks on a remote
hike, and found the largest newt and frog populations we've ever seen. It’s
possible that Braeden beat me in our competition to each count the most newts
(don’t remind him though, I can’t remember what the prize was now and I don’t
want to owe him forever).
When we got home, I took everybody on a couple of forced
marches on the coast. I'm sure they secretly enjoyed those hikes despite pretending
and loudly proclaiming every few minutes that it was too windy, cold, and
exhausting and that it did not qualify as "fun"...
Ben’s Riddles
One by one, filing by….We’re in the road and in the sky.
You can cut me—without a knife;
You write above me, all your life.
What am I?
senil
I sound like a dog yet have no voice.
I’m friends with the moss yet am not moist.
I encircle and climb, I’m rough and I’m fine.
What am I?
krab
I’m big and I’m red, at the level of your head. My twists
let a book be read.
What am I?
eugnot
I move a herd of cattle, or I’m a Sunday afternoon.
You’ll see me on a golf course, and sixteen’s just too soon.
It’s how they make you crazy and describes the pouring rain;
It’s that something-else inside you that makes you bear the
pain.
What am I?
enivird/evird
I’m a way to get some exercise, but also cop a feel.
I make you feel like singing but can turn your friend 3rd
wheel.
The elders always disapprove, but they can’t do it anyway,
so what am I and when have I made your life so merry?
gnicnad
I am there when it’s pried from your dead hands.
In years gone by, I controlled every people and land.
I’m in the heart of a monster and the depths of the ocean,
and as the day ends I creep a little bit closer.
What am I?
dloc
I’m the punishment of ages, the quickest of them all.
I’m barely still connected by a thread so small.
I’m with your teenage children when their friends are
staying over,
and I’m what never happens up since the advent of the cell
phone.
What am I?
gnignah
Braeden’s Riddles
When you control me, I control you. I control beings, and
what they say and do. I am found in the stores here and there, but most likely
I’m everywhere. I come in different shapes and sizes, all different types but I’m
always there when families are together.
noisivelet
I glimmer in the sun. I glow in the dark. I’m transparent as
if I’m not there. I’m valuable in ways I can’t say. I’m found very rarely day
by day.
I am part of the past, here and there, but I’m studied
everywhere. I’m in the classroom every day, that is just what they say. What am
I?
Proof that My
Children Respect Me: Text Messages with Stephanie
Steph: Good thing I
didn’t go to church. Temp is 99.4.
Ben: Told ya.
Steph: I know you did!
Ben: Someday you will listen
to me. You will call me Genius Ben and make me customized enchiladas every day.
It will be glorious for me.
Ben: Emerson is
reading over my shoulder like a serial killer.
Steph: Hi Emerson
Ben: He says he feels
fortunate to have such an incredibly powerful and stable genius father.
Steph: Ohhhhhh right
Ben: He also is hoping
that he will someday be as breathtakingly handsome as his father is. He also
says I smell nice and he can completely understand why you married me because I’m
a “catch.” According to Emerson. He said all those things. Exactly.
Ben: Braeden says he is going to get rich and buy me a Lamborghini someday.
