My thoughts for the day

                The  housekeeper was doing it again, trying to guide me into habits that I really didn’t want to adopt. The white towel lay asymmetrically folded on the floor outside the shower, an obvious sign that whoever “cleaned” the room did not want to see any more wet on the old, gray tile. Well, if they get rid of the cockroaches that scurry out of the mats and towels on the floor, then perhaps I’ll begin using something like that after I leave the shower, I thought to myself with a hint of exasperation. Forty dollars per night amounted to a nice-looking bedroom, 1960’s-style bathroom, and a tiny sitting room with an uncomfortable loveseat. The trash was taken out every day, but sheets were changed on a weekly basis and apparently I was responsible for cleaning the sinks and toilet, unless I was willing to wait until utter filth took over and the housekeepers decided to do their jobs. The internet worked well before 9 am, after which it became miserably slow and inconsistent. In other words, I was a little bit peeved at the thought of staying here for another two months.

                The negativity turned around a little bit after glancing at my work schedule. I was to work with Captain Chhoeung today, a 50-yr old Cambodian with a thick accent that halted the dynamic expression of a very short, personable man with a life story worth the work of writing a historical novel. At the age of 29, after escaping years spent in Cambodian camps under the Khemer Rouge, he found himself in America, presented for the first time with the opportunity of any formal education. He learned to read and write, not only English but also Cambodian. Twenty years later, he is a medical doctor (with a Cambodian degree), a doctor of chiropractic medicine in the US, and a nurse captain in the United States Air Force. All of his children old enough to be in college are either doctors or en route to receiving their doctorate degrees, and his wife is also a BSN graduate.

                The nurses on the floor here at Wright Patterson AFB work very smoothly as a team, always offering each other assistance and advice where necessary. Roles are clearly defined, practices are standardized, and doctors corroborate effectively with the nurses. Salaried employees ensure that tasks are completed on time, and preceptors offer prompt and precise feedback on improvements to be made. I am able to look up disease processes, pharmacology and kinematics, and patient histories throughout my shift; never have I felt so enthusiastic about being able to continue my education while on the job! Patient census can become pretty high, but since the military doesn’t downsize their staff when census is low, I get more opportunities to learn throughout my shift than previously in civilian hospitals, even as a nursing student.

                Every day I focus my education on learning the metabolic pathways, chain reactions, and biological processes that affect my patients. Inflammation, hypersensitivity reactions, infection response, hormonal changes, and myriad other topics are becoming part of my daily routine whenever I find a free moment. I am trying to understand the mechanism of actions of each drug I administer, not only for better knowledge regarding the drug itself but as a resource for learning how the body works on a cellular level. Someday in the next several years I will find myself as a Doctor of Nursing Practice, prescribing drugs, diagnosing patients, and educating families regarding how their diseases work and how the treatments can affect their lives, and I am determined to have mastered as much education by that time as any medical family practice doctor.

                The military will provide me with a lot of those opportunities to learn. I can serve my country, and my family, by using this time to better educate myself and participate not only in my career but in making it my field of expertise. Nursing care comes first, of course, but I find that the two go hand in hand. For example, I recently taught a patient specifically how to use sterile technique and proper drug administration through a central line. She demonstrated it for me, and explained that in all of her years using central lines on herself she had never really understood about how to do it (and she has suffered an incredible number of infections related to the central lines).

                I am tired of being alone. I need Stephanie with me, I need to feel like I live somewhere again. Church has become almost a chore, since I barely know anyone and am very unmotivated to meet people under conditions of only being able to go to church meetings several more times (on my days off) over the next seven weeks. I look forward to getting to Mountain Home, settling in, getting a calling, and going home-teaching again! General Conference online gives me much-needed familiarity, as I listen to the GA’s talks in the morning during my daily preparations.

                I have made a couple of friends, however, who have invited me to work out in the gym. This morning I played tennis, ran, and did some calisthenics; I am in much better shape than two months ago, even if I still hover at the high end of the weight range for a healthy BMI. I hope to score over a 95% on the physical fitness exam, eventually a 100% if I can decrease my 1.5 mile run time by about a minute. We will have to see how that goes, and if I can keep up my workouts between now and then.

                Stephanie and I have had a hard time communicating, mostly because neither of us are very good at telephone conversations. Why does it seem so hard sometimes to talk to your spouse, just normal conversation? We did it all of the time when we were dating, and when we are together we often have really good talks! Hopefully, we will soon get through this little phase and not feel like something is “lacking” when we are talking to each other on the phone. I am not sure how I am supposed to feel about being separated from Braeden; it’s not like how I miss Stephanie. I miss Stephanie herself, everything about her, but with Braeden I miss the experience of being with him, instead of just missing him. The everyday things, the little things that are impossible to convey through an email or webcam, those are the things that are hard to miss in a little 18-month old.

                Anyway, these are my thoughts for the day, as boring as they are. This is really just kind of a record for me, so I can eventually print it out and have it as sort of a publicized journal of this moment. I wish I could do more than give you a snapshot of my life, but for now this little slice will suffice until I can share the entire cake, so to speak. Goodbye for now!

-Ben