Change

November 21st, 2004. I am sitting in a yellow, beat-up Cheverolet-turned-taxicab as it sputters up a giant, treeless mountain. The cobblestones are making the ride wickedly bumpy, and I stare at the huts dug into the side of hills and the dirty, barefoot Indians who walk along the road carrying stacks of vegetation for their animals.
It was another world, a world four hours away and a century apart from my own. Little did I know that, even among so many physical differences, the real differences between my world and that of Ecuador would not be apparent until much, much later as I began to scrutinize and contemplate the relationships I would have with my many Latin companions. My trainer's name was Elder Alvarez, and from the get-go we seemed to clash. I wanted to work, he wanted to sleep. I wanted to study, he wanted to cook. I wanted to be 100% obedient, he wanted to bend the rules a bit. I wanted to teach, he wanted to watch. We had so many arguments that sometimes I even, in my own little mind, accused him of not even wanting to be a missionary.
Eventually, I began to learn a little more about my trainer, and it wasn't until then that I was able to really see him for who he was. It is funny to me now, the fact that I never knew him until I never saw him again; sometimes we don't understand the lessons we've learned until after the experiences are gone. For example, I judged Elder Alvarez too harshly. Though he wasn't as gung-ho as I had been, he was in the process of a mighty change of heart, a change that I refused to see because I was looking too hard. We will never see our children grow if we only compare them to the day before, and that was the problem with Elder Alvarez. My first transfer was also a first for him, as a senior companion. Many of his friends had been excommunicated from the church for rules broken on the mission, and though he had been somewhat involved, there was certainly a change of heart for him to stay on the mission and complete it, even though he was well-known in the mission for deeds committed by his peers.
He was training for the first time. His entire family had been excommunicated from the church, and there was no one waiting for him when he arrived home. Though I didn't see it at the time, now I am amazed at how well he did as my trainer. We weren't perfect, but we worked and studied very hard, and though I judged him harshly he never returned those feelings.
Who am I to say that he didn't have enough faith? Faith is a relative term. For me, perhaps serving a mission was not as great a leap of faith as it had been for him. Faith is improvement, and frankly if our performance is measured that way than Elder Alvarez had me beat, because though his level may have been on a different scale his improvement could hardly be compared to my skimpy advancements.
This is a lesson that has helped me in my marriage. We are all from different backgrounds, and it is not our place to judge. It is our place to love, influence, and learn from each other, and all that is required is steady improvement. As it has been said, the Lord is not looking for flashes of lightning acts of faith that briefly illuminate and then fade; He searches for the candle that is set on a hill, steadily lighting the way for others. If anyone ever feels unequally yoked, they should realize that it is a blessing to be yoked at all. Joseph Smith, with his wonderful wife Emma, was a wonderful example of a righteous, charitable, loving judge of character. Do you really believe that Emma always understood why Joseph had to do what he did, why they had to suffer as they did, and why he had to die as he did? Yet I have never read a word of complaint from his mouth regarding his marriage, never a word of unrighteous judgment, only consistent and loving influence. My wife is that influence on me, and I hope I am that influence on her, and if we can continue to love each other and to clumsily, consistently, and carefully progress on our paths to eternal life, then that will be the greatest satisfaction and success than I could ever dream about.
“And the Lord said unto Samuel, look not on his countenance, nor on the height of his stature; for I have refused him. For the Lord seeth not as man seeth, for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.”
This is a gospel of change. Let's work for that change, and not focus too much on the past.