Ten reasons why I love my wife:

Ten reasons why I love my wife:
1. She can find anything around the house (I lose everything)
2. She threatens me on an hourly basis
3. She recounts every dream she has in the morning
4. She is obsessed with Diet Dr. Pepper but refrains from buying it very much
5. She gossips to 3-month old Braeden, usually beginning with “Braeden, there’s something you need to know about your dad….”
6. She listens to middle-school teenage girl music (as far as I can tell, that phase doesn’t end for most girls until they turn 26, after which they still listen to it because it is nostalgic for them)
7. She doesn’t text on dates. She just calls people
8. She reads my blog and makes comments
9. She loves holidays and is constantly trying to get me to join her festivities
10. She has racy chats with me on instant messenger (did I just tell people that??)

In short, she’s wonderful. I love coming home to her every day; the longer we’re married, the more I love being with her. Unless she is trying to give me purple nurples; I keep telling her that she’s going to cause me to get breast cancer, and that will be very embarrassing.

My Alternate Lifestyle

I recently decided that the plural form of “fox” must be “foxen.” That sounds right, so don’t try to dissuade me. I have seen many foxen over the last few days, usually on my frigid, romantic sunrise walks by myself each morning. Stephanie has abandoned me for a week, hopefully not because she feels that our chemistry has turned to toxic waste. Lol. Just kidding, she went to visit her other family in Utah. I’m supposed to be getting a lot of schoolwork done while she’s gone, but in reality I am just eating a lot of ice cream and bananas. They’re good, by the way.
I am, once again, changing my life plan. Nursing is too dominated by women. I have instead decided to become an international spy. This way I can get rich, retire early, and still be incredibly cool while applying my nursing techniques to the people around me who seem to frequently take bullets, but not the same types of silver bullets that nurses use. I have hereby decided to be a spy. I wonder if they offer that major at Regis University….guess I’ll have to check it out. I’ll just work on being cool and calm in the meantime.
Anyway, don’t worry about me when my identity suddenly changes and nobody can find me. Just know that I’m daringly walking to death’s door each day in my new career. Matter of fact, just act like nothing’s happened; it’s what I do.
The End.

Backdrop's Blind

It’s there, it’s somewhere inside this head of mine. I just can’t tear it out without ripping out the roots. I’ve always got so much to say, but I’m never able to just dump my soul’s contents on the table like that; it always has to be basted in some sort of situational sauce that keeps me comfortable. That’s one reason why I like to write these stupid poems. They get it off my chest, they’re crammed with my own personal expression and meaning that only I can know. It’s like a parable that’s never really meant to be understood except by the producer.

Background’s tinkle, backdrop’s blind
Overcast sighs and tears in your eyes
Gist of a chronicle too young to be told
Furrows too thin, but lines are yet old.
Perhaps time appreciates a modest disruption
Ardor’s incentive to finish its junction.

Please Don't Be a Hater

For the record, the previous post was completely a joke and I really am planning something special for Stephanie, and I have very much enjoyed Valentine's Day since I've been married. I do admit that I'm a Scrooge in some areas, but anyone who knows me also knows that I can be very romantic and considerate at least one day per year (Valentine's Day). Yes. Please don't be a hater. Stephanie, I love you!

Valentines and Veracity

Ok, so my brother recently began a blog filled with his inconsistent memories (he claims them to be authentic because he was so anal-retentive that he kept a journal EVERY DAY since he was like four or something). Well, to be fair I decided that I should write a couple of events myself, though my memory isn't quite as intact as it once was (I think Ecuadorian ameobas ate my brain cells for lunch while I was taking illegal siestas on the mission). However, I am not going to write one today just because I have a test in the morning and I need to study. Plus my wife is talking to me from the bathroom and I can't focus.
So, tomorrow is National Single Awareness Day. I remember a time when I would scramble for a date on this holiday. Okay, tomorrow isn't, but my wife has designated as our “Valentine's Day” because she is abandoning me for a week to visit her folks. I keep telling her that she should ask her sisters to be her valentines; I mean, she's going to be with them after all. Anyway, I have planned something extremely special for us to do and have an amazing gift for Stephanie, because Valentine's Day is a very important holiday and I consider it to be an important predictor of our eternal relationship's success.
All joking aside (was I joking??), if there is anybody out there with a particular suggestion in the next twelve hours of what we should do for Valentine's Day, please comment on this blog. Actually, I don't really think anybody reads my blog, because nobody ever comments, but that's probably due to the fact that my discussions are either way too soap-boxy (which I think scares people away) or they are just poems that are completely incoherent to the average person (actually, more like to every person except for me. I think they are wonderful, but then again the other day I was holding a conversation with an extremely long arm-hair of mine that I had named Alexander; Stephanie eventually ripped him apart).
Ok, this blog is done but I just wanted to insist that I love Valentine's Day. Nothing quite beats spending money on pink paper and giving caffeine-laced chocolate to your wife. Gotta admit though, I just about have the dry heaves when I walk through the purple-plastered candy aisle in Wal-Mart. Kudos to St. Valentine, the saint of love (but haven't Catholics historically believed that the highest form of reverence is through celibacy? What did this Valentine person know about love?).

Panorama Incomplete

Cold-pricked ridge, jagged shards of bluff
Back across the boulder rough.
Immeasurable lights draft development's design
Distance muffles civilization's whine.
Nature's oblivion crushes the grip of inclination
Invisible tremors quaver my affection.
Camera's tremors cloud combination's clarity
Hazed ring of fire encircles my feet.
Person intact, panorama incomplete.